Ah, there you are, my dearest reader. Do pull up a chair and allow me to share with you my latest adventure as a single Catholic father of seven who chooses to find solace in the miracles of God's green Earth. Today's heavenly wonder of a subject is none other than cannabidiol, or as it's more commonly known, CBD.
This day, like most, met me with an all-too-familiar barrage of challenges; the twins, Mary and Martha, decided it was a great day to test if the washing machine was indeed, a submarine. My youngest, Luke, had devised his most cunning techniques yet to avoid math homework. While my second eldest, Paul, chose this day to "unveil" his newfound interest in punk rock music.
Now all this hullabaloo would be tolerable under ordinary circumstances, but alas, it was my arthritis acting up again. The joints in my hands and knees were under siege; each scream or misplaced drumbeat from Paul's room would send an electric jolt of pain down my spine. I am certain most parents can relate to these trying moments of parental life that seem to creep up regularly than most of us would prefer.
But before you take pity or marvel at my apparent sanity, allow me to divulge my secret weapon, my divine savior – CBD oil. Yes, you read correctly. I am a devout Catholic man, and I believe in the miraculous healing attributes of CBD – all without jeopardizing my principles or my straight edge lifestyle.
CBD, my friends, is one of the many compounds found in the hemp plant. Fear not, dear readers, let me assure you there is no aversion to God's Law here. CBD is not its mischievous cousin, THC—it does not intoxicate nor does it encourage any form of debauched behavior. Indeed, God in His infinite wisdom has given us all things that grow from the earth for our use and benefit.
Exactly at 3:34 PM, amidst the twinned submarine exploration and punk rock performance, I went to my quiet corner and put a few drops of CBD oil under my tongue. The oil itself is light, herbal, a reminder of nature's embrace and God's warm touch. Then the magic began.
The edge of agony started to soften, like the melting snow under the midday sun. The throb in my fingers ebbed, the stabbing pain in my knees became a dull memory. It worked subtly, yet with unfaltering efficacy, wrapping my body in a cocoon of relief, without introducing any form of mental haze or sluggishness that even the most innocent cup of coffee would bring. I became calmer, centered, ready to face my offspring's challenges with an unshakeable patience.
God works in mysterious ways indeed, and today He decided to bestow His grace upon me in liquid form inside a small amber tinted bottle. Guided by my Catholic faith, I choose an earthly, natural remedy over synthetic pharmaceuticals. And quite frankly, after another day of fathering seven vibrant, ingenious, but highly exhausting children, I can confidently say: God bless CBD.